averted?

the long and short of it is that i got myself into a funk. the tentative solutions are as follows:

1. make better work, more often, just for fun.

2. i do want to be a graphic designer. i am good at it, i’m just not really trying hard enough and the box that i’m thinking inside of is not big enough. (see also number one)

3. i should turn my phone off sometimes and not turn into a crazy person just because i’m in a new relationship. just stop being crazy, right? easy. yes. pretty much.

but there are still troubling things. which relate to the solutions but i’m a big fat pile of PMS and i think too much:

1. he doesn’t call me if i don’t call him. (it’s a knock to my self esteem. whatever.) but it’s probly due to the nature of my disposition as of late. i guess it would be unreasonable to blame the guy.

2. everyone keeps telling me to stop thinking about it. GRRREAT advice, have you met me?! yeah thanks.

3. i’m tired all the time! i haven’t come up with a legal solution to this one yet..

in other news, i’m attempting to redesign a website that already a pretty well designed website. way to go. give me something awful.

like this: http://www.isnickelbacktheworstbandever.com

A wise little green dude once said, “there is no try; only do.”

or something very close to that.

so i’m gonna do(?)

one thing i don’t know how to do is enable comments on this godforsaken web media deal. bah. someday.

to a professor today i wrote:

“i woke up.

i threw up.

i gave up.

i’ll find you later if you’re around.”

too casual?

in other news, i spent 9 hours or something working on a clay self portrait. it was helpful to be not in the mac lab and to not really be thinking about being in the mac lab. we needed a break. we’ll reunite tomorrow.

anyway, i forgot to take a picture of the sculpture’s progress so far; also a task for tomorrow.

Now: shower. Later: sleep.

is proving to be much more of a pain in the ass than I originally thought it would be. It’s worth a mention that I originally thought it was gonna be a complete and total pain in the ass.

But I was told to look at my whole body of work and try to find a theme. We found it; it’s pretty much the human body. Which is unfortunate for a number of reasons:

1. Biology is not my strong suit.

2. Graphic design for corporate sellouts rarely (to my knowledge) incorporates anatomy studies.

3. Suddenly i’m asking myself, “Do I actually want to be a graphic designer?”

So basically in the span of the last hour or so, I’ve spiraled into a crisis about what I’m gonna do with my life. I’m pretty sure I’m not even that good at graphic design. I keep telling everyone that I’m not an artist, I’m a fucking designer. But I suck at it! And i think it has a lot to do with the fact that I know that being an artist isn’t something that’s too lucrative for being a real person in the real world. Unless you’re really talented and dedicated and motivated (read: i’m not any of these things), you’re not going to be able to feed your children on an artist’s paycheck.

And I can’t decide whether or not I’m grateful that most of my projects this semester haven’t had much to do with actually being artistic.. they’re mostly like.. come up with creative ways to organize a bunch of information visually. Is there a distinction between being artistic and being creative?

Do I actually suck as much as I fear that I suck? (yes.)

I might be kinda good at art or design or whatever, I just never know what I’m doing with it, and I rarely care enough to be self-motivating or to produce any work because i actually WANT to. I’m terrified. What do I do with that?

So thanks a lot. A really simple assignment turned into the “what the fuck are you doing with your life” conversation (with myself, cause no one else will talk to me) and now i’m afraid and i’m talking to myself and i see no reason to do my homework cause i’m gonna have to change majors again and start college over for the 4th time because i’m stupid and i can’t ever make up my mind about anything and i’m a lazy, good-for-nothing, talentless slob, in pursuit of nothing in particular.

Yeah, fuck that noise, man.

Also,  I’m pretty sure there is, as i type, a bugger chillin’ in between the M and < keys.

…so I figured I should be more consistently on the social media bandwagon. Because apparently your day-to-day stuff didn’t actually happen unless you blogged about it.

It’s springtime, officially, as you may be aware. It’s starting to feel like it, too, which is almost surprising seeing as it’s only March and we’re forty-something degrees north of the equator. But with the springtime comes the rain, and with the rain comes my shoes being perpetually wet. Naturally. So I had a rough morning. This isn’t altogether an unusual occurrence, but not being in my own apartment, and after having taken a walk in the wetness last night, my shoes, pants, socks, hat and sweatshirt were all still soaking wet when I put them back on at 8am.

So I went casually about my day, pretending that I didn’t smell a little stale and that my pants weren’t ripped to shit and wet up passed the knees. Came home, dicked around, kept the shoes on. So that’s something like 5 or 6 hours wearing these soggy, moldy shoes. Gross. What now?

Light bulb!

Hair dryer!

It is notable that this hair dryer hasn’t been turned on in something like 2 years.. so the combination of stale hair dryer air and wet moldy shoe stink would make anyone throw up in his or her mouth a little.

So the shoes are dry and they smell like an abandoned fish market.

Thank Christ for febreeze.

dance on.

(mutemath “electrify”)

grad fair.. intimidating or motivating?

SCAD Atlanta? RIT? Alfred EIA?

Crazygonuts. I got nothing.

just getting to know the blog’s features..

but this is a good song..  enjoy.